


Can I Say I Love You?

by Snapbaeks



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Barebacking, Explicit Language, M/M, Prostitution
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-22
Updated: 2015-05-22
Packaged: 2018-06-09 12:17:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 18,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6906835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snapbaeks/pseuds/Snapbaeks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jongin doesn’t exactly know how his unexpected night with a male escort was supposed to turn out, but he never thought it would lead him here.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written for [](http://wintercelestial.livejournal.com/profile)[**wintercelestial**](http://wintercelestial.livejournal.com/) in [](http://suholiday.livejournal.com/profile)[**suholiday**](http://suholiday.livejournal.com/)

  
  


  
  
  
  
  
**\- January 14, 2015 -**

  
  
  
  
  
  
**To beagles:**  
_Where the hell did you guys go?_  
  
Jongin stares at the unanswered message on his phone. It’s been 10 minutes since Jongdae, Baekhyun, and Chanyeol left him alone in the hotel room to go get ice. He’s beginning to think they’re playing some kind of prank on him. He rubs his palms on his thighs, taking a deep breath and exhaling sharply as he falls back onto the plush white comforter. He looks around the spacious room, appreciating the floor to ceiling windows lining the wall on the other side of the room, overlooking the city. It had been Chanyeol’s idea to rent the room for Jongin’s 21 st birthday.  
  
“My dad says that this is the nicest hotel in the city!” Chanyeol had said excitedly after proposing the idea. Jongin really didn’t have any reason to doubt him. After all, he’d known Chanyeol since literally the womb. Their fathers were best friends who became very successful business partners and their boys, born in a relatively close time period, were often thrust together. In fact, when Jongin thought back as far as he could, very few of his early memories didn’t involve Chanyeol in some way.  
  
From being babysat by Chanyeol’s mom while his parents were out of town for business, to a seven-year-old Chanyeol knocking a bag of flour off the counter onto the Kim family’s dog, who then proceeded to have a tantrum that involved flour being tracked all over the pristine house.  
  
Later in life, he remembered Chanyeol introducing him to Baekhyun and Jongdae.  
  
Okay so maybe those last two things were a bit incriminating when it came to Chanyeol’s trustworthiness, and it certainly wasn’t a testament to his good decision making skills.  
  
However, Jongin also remembered a helping hand always being extended when Jongin was having a shit day. Bright, almost too-wide smiles giving him a boost when his life didn’t seem to be turning out exactly how he wanted it. Yes, Chanyeol was a _good_ friend – his best friend.  
  
His best friend wouldn’t pull any shit on his 21st birthday, despite questionable decisions of the past…right?  
  
A knock at the door pulls Jongin from his thoughts, and he rolls his eyes as he gets up off the bed and walks toward the door. “Did all three of you forget your keys? And what took-“ He stops mid-sentence, startled by the man at the door who is not Jongdae, Baekhyun, or Chanyeol. “Oh, um. Can I help you?”  
  
The man is shorter than he is, but handsome, with an expensive, perfectly pressed suit, and black hair styled up and off his forehead. He’s holding a briefcase. “Are you Jongin? Kim Jongin?” The man asks, and Jongin thinks his voice sounds sweet. He doesn’t realize he’s been staring until the stranger clears his throat, smiling awkwardly and quirking his head to one side. _Cute._ “Um. Jongin?”  
  
“Yes, shit, sorry. Um yeah, I’m Jongin.” Jongin can feel a blush creeping into his cheeks and he runs a hand over the back of his neck. “Can I help you?”  
  
“Actually, I think I’m supposed to be helping you.” The stranger takes a step toward him, and Jongin steps back instinctively. “I’m sorry.” The man looks down, sensing Jongin’s hesitation. “I thought you knew I was coming. Your friends, Chanyeol, Baekhyun, and Jongdae sent me. I’m Suho.”  
  
Realization washes over Jongin as he vaguely remembers a drunken conversation with Baekhyun about getting him a “companion” for his birthday, and he can feel his cheeks flushing deeper. “Are you, um.” He runs his fingers through his hair, stopping again to rub at his neck before letting his hand fall back to his side. “Is this, uh…a sex thing?”  
  
“I’m an escort, Jongin, yes.” Suho looks amused, which only adds to Jongin’s embarrassment. “Although, we don’t have to do anything sexual if you don’t want to.” It’s only after the man looks at him expectantly that Jongin realizes he should invite him in.  
  
“Sorry, um, come in.” He takes a step backwards, allowing enough room for the man to step in past him. He closes the door behind him, taking advantage of the moment Suho’s back is to him to angrily type a message to his “friends.”  
  
**message to beagles:**  
_I’m gonna fucking kill you_  
  
**message from byunbaek**  
_Go get him tiger ;)_  
  
When he looks up from his phone, Suho is standing in the middle of the room, hands behind his back, taking in his surroundings. Jongin clears his throat, and Suho turns to him and smiles, that friendly awkward smile. “So…” Jongin starts, not really knowing what to do with the strange man in his room. “Do you, um, want a drink or something? The bar is fully stocked, thanks to my dad.”  
  
“Yeah, I’d love a drink, thank you.” Suho nods at him, walking over to the bed and sitting on the edge of it, setting his briefcase on the floor. Jongin can’t say he’s not curious about its contents.  
  
Jongin walks over to the bar in the corner of the room, picking up a bottle of wine. “How’s this?” He turns to show it to Suho, who is in the middle of taking off his shoes.  
  
“What kind is it?” He asks, pulling his socks off and tucking them neatly into his shoes, which he places next to the bed.  
  
“Um…” Jongin turns the bottle over in his hand, eyes scanning the label full of words he can’t pronounce. “Red?” Wine was never really his thing.  
  
He hears Suho chuckle from behind him. “Sounds perfect.” Jongin fills two wine glasses, placing the cork back in the bottle and walking over to Suho. He hands one of the glasses to the man and then takes a seat in the plush leather chair opposite the bed.  
  
He watches as Suho tips the glass, taking a sip of the dark red wine and his eyes are drawn to the way Suho’s adam’s apple bobs as he swallows. It’s not like Jongin to be so drawn to someone he’s just met, but there’s something about the way Suho carries himself that makes Jongin want to learn more.  
  
Jongin sips his own wine, leaning back into his chair and stretching his legs out in front of him. “I’m sorry about earlier. You just took me by surprise.”  
  
Suho laughs and Jongin quite likes the sound of it. He’ll have to try and make him do it again. “It’s fine, Jongin. It’s not the first time that’s happened to me.”  
  
“Yeah, I guess not.” Jongin is suddenly feeling awkward again and he takes a large gulp of wine, wincing at the bitterness. “So, um. My friends.” Jongin says, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees. “How long did they um, book you for?”  
  
Suho smiles again, looking at Jongin like he’s telling a particularly interesting story. “The whole night. 9pm to 9am.” He scoots up the bed until he’s resting against the headboard, legs crossed in front of him. “I have to say I was surprised when I realized it was for someone’s 21 st birthday. Not a lot of people your age can afford me for that long.” His mouth quirks up on one side and Jongin wants to find him arrogant, but he’s only intrigued.  
  
“Yeah, well.” He pauses, taking another sip of his wine. “Chanyeol and I come from money.” Jongin doesn’t like talking about this, but he somehow feels that he owes this stranger an explanation. “Our fathers are pretty successful businessmen. All that good stuff.”  
  
“Ah.” Suho nods in understanding. “Say no more.” He sets his wineglass on the table beside the bed, shrugging his jacket off his shoulders and laying it on the bed beside him. He unbuttons the top two buttons of his dress shirt, and Jongin swallows thickly as he catches a glimpse of the man’s collarbones.  
  
He clears his throat and Suho looks at him expectantly. “Are you, um. Are you staying here the whole time?”  
  
Suho’s expression falls for a moment, but then he’s smiling again. He’s always smiling. “I don’t have to if you don’t want me too, but your friends paid for 12 hours.  We don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to.”  
  
Jongin sighs, feeling a bit more comfortable. “Yeah, cool. Okay.”  
  
“Come sit over here.” Suho pats the bed beside him. “I won’t bite.” Jongin waits for the ‘ _unless you want me to’_ but it never comes. The chair is honestly not as comfortable as it looks, and he doesn’t think Suho is going to try anything, so he gets up and walks over to the bed, sitting on the edge of it. Suho uses his free hand to fluff up the pillows and gestures for Jongin to scoot back and lean against them. Once he's comfortable, Suho smiles at him. "That's better." Jongin nods and downs the rest of his wine in one shot.  
  
“So,” Jongin says, suddenly feeling nervous now that he’s sitting so closely to Suho. “I’m guessing Suho’s not your real name?”  
  
“No.” Is all the man says. Jongin won’t press it any further.  
  
“I’m guessing this isn’t anything like how you thought your birthday was going to go, is it?” Suho asks after a few moments of uneasy silence.  
  
Jongin chuckles and shakes his head. “My friends are assholes.” Suho turns toward Jongin, propping himself up with his elbow resting on the headboard. “They told me we’d be going to the club down the street, actually. That’s probably where they are right now. We were going to go dancing tonight, and then just come back here and crash.” He looks down at his hands that are playing with the bottom of his wineglass.  
  
“You like to dance?” Suho sounds genuinely interested and Jongin looks over at him, and _damn,_ he’s even more handsome up close.  
  
“Yeah, I love it actually. I’ve been dancing since I learned to walk, practically. My parents thought it would be good to get me involved in something like that at an early age. Teach me discipline and stuff. I fell in love with it.” He looks back down at his hands because the way Suho is looking at him has a flush creeping into his cheeks.  
  
“That’s wonderful, Jongin. Is that what you want to do with your life? Be a professional dancer?”  
  
Jongin feels his chest tighten at the question. “That’s kind of a sore subject.” He really hopes Suho won’t press the issue. He lifts his wineglass to take another drink, forgetting that he’d already finished it. Suho seems to notice, taking the empty glass from him and getting up to refill it.  
  
“You don’t have to tell me,” he says, filling Jongin’s glass to the rim before topping off his own. He makes his way back over to the bed, handing Jongin his drink and opting to climb over Jongin instead of walking around to the other side. The man’s knee brushes high on Jongin’s thigh and he flushes, embarrassed by the way the contact makes heat flare in his belly.  
  
He lifts the glass to his lips, taking a few big gulps before setting it down on the nightstand.  
  
“Am I making you nervous, Jongin?” Suho chuckles and Jongin looks at him with a start.  
  
“I’m sorry, I’m just.” He takes a deep breath. “I don’t really know how to act right now.”  
  
“Don’t apologize, Jongin.” Suho nudges Jongin’s shoulder with his own, and Jongin thinks he’s starting to like the way Suho says his name. “I think it’s cute.” He’s smiling again, his eyes nearly disappearing and Jongin is _definitely_ attracted.  
  
“Can I ask you something?”  
  
“Sure.” Suho says, leaning closer.  
  
“What’s in the briefcase?”  
  
“Do you want to see?” He asks, raising his eyebrows at Jongin.  
  
“No! I mean, that’s okay, you can just tell me.” He feels his face heating up again and he thinks there’s not enough wine in the world to get him through this night.  
  
Suho laughs harder this time, the sound relaxing Jongin a bit. “Well, there’s lube and condoms, of course, but when I meet a new client, I never really know what they’re into, you know?”  
  
Jongin nods.  
  
“So I bring a little of everything. There’s a few dildos in there, some vibrate, some don’t. There’s massage oils. I’ve got some cuffs, blindfolds, ropes, whips, you know, that kind of stuff.” Jongin nearly chokes on his wine.  
  
“And you…use them on people? Or do they use them on you?” Jongin is new to this whole thing, and although he feels slightly embarrassed, he’s genuinely interested in how this all works.  
  
“It depends on what the client wants. I’m here to serve them however they want. If they want me to whip them while I fuck them with a dildo, that’s what I’m gonna do. If they want to cuff me to the bed and have their way with me, then so be it.” Jongin’s mouth falls open, surprised at how Suho is saying this all so matter-of-factly, like he’s talking about what he’s going to have for dinner. “I’m sorry, was that too much too soon?”  
  
Jongin shakes his head. “No, it’s fine.  I asked, didn’t I?” Despite his efforts not to, he can’t help picturing Suho cuffed to the bed, writhing as he takes a cock up the ass, and he really likes that mental picture. He not-so-discreetly grabs a pillow and places it in his lap.  
  
“So you did.” Suho’s giving him that amused smile again and Jongin can feel his resolve slowly crumbling.  
  
“What if, um. What if your client isn’t into any of that stuff? Then what do you usually do?” Jongin doesn’t know where this boldness is coming from, but he figures if he’s going to be spending the whole night with this man, he might as well have some fun.  
  
“Well,” Suho says, his voice low and close to Jongin’s ear. “If a client is shy, like you, for instance.” Jongin shudders. “I’d usually start with a nice sensual massage to loosen him up a bit.”  
  
“Mmhmmm” Jongin squirms against the pillows.  
  
“Then I might give him a nice handjob, my hands all slick with oil.” He’s leaning closer to Jongin now, and Jongin shivers when he feels the man’s breath hot on his neck.  
  
“And then what?” Jongin’s cock twitches, and he presses against the pillow in his lap, letting out a soft whimper.  
  
“I’m _very_ good at giving head, Jongin.” Suho’s lips brush against the shell of Jongin’s ear and he closes his eyes, sighing and letting his head thunk against the wall behind him. “I’ve never met a cock I can’t swallow.”  
  
“Shit.” Jongin whispers, grinding up against his hand through the pillow. He should feel embarrassed, but he’s way too turned on right now. His eyes fly open when he feels Suho’s hand on his chest.  
  
“Is this okay, Jongin?” He asks, working the buttons of his shirt open.  
  
“Yes.” Jongin gasps. Suho rests his head on Jongin’s shoulder, nosing against his jaw as he unbuttons Jongin’s shirt with one hand. “What else would you do to me?” He asks, too turned on to care how desperate he sounds.  
  
“I’d slide my finger inside of you while I suck your cock.” He whispers, and then he sucks on Jongin’s jaw, tongue darting out to lave at his skin. “I’d pump my finger slowly inside of you until you’re begging for more.” He pushes Jongin’s shirt open, sliding his hand down Jongin’s chest and over his abs, sucking Jongin’s earlobe into his mouth.  
  
“Oh _fuck_ that’s hot.” Jongin groans, throwing the pillow off his lap and palming himself through his jeans.  
  
“I can help you with that.” Suho says, licking the shell of Jongin’s ear before kissing down his neck.  
  
“Please.” Jongin begs, making quick work of his button and zipper and pushing his pants down his thighs.  
  
Suho chuckles at his eagerness, but he slides his hand down further, his fingers flirting with the waistband of Jongin’s underwear. “Are you sure you want this, Jongin?”  
  
Jongin nods enthusiastically, kicking his pants the rest of the way off.  
  
Suho’s fingers dip under the hem of Jongin’s briefs and Jongin moans, low and drawn out as Suho drags his fingertips over Jongin’s dick. He’s pressing kisses into Jongin’s neck and Jongin lifts his hips, trying to get more friction.  
  
When Suho closes his hand around Jongin’s erection, sliding his hand up and over the head, Jongin reaches up and slides his fingers in Suho’s hair, leaning in to kiss him, but Suho stops, leaning back. “No kissing on the lips. It’s one of my only rules but I’m very strict about it.”  
  
“Shit, sorry. Okay. No kissing.” Jongin agrees. “Just please touch my dick again.”  
  
Suho laughs and then he’s kneeling between Jongin’s legs, pulling his underwear off. “Do you want me to suck you off Jongin?”  
  
He nods dumbly, because yes, obviously, he wants that, and he’s momentarily confused when Suho gets off the bed and kneels beside it. “Where are you going?” Jongin whines.  
  
“Safety first.” Suho replies showing Jongin the condom in his hand.  
  
“Oh, right, yeah.” He waits while Suho takes the condom out and he hisses when the man rolls it down over his dick. “Is it flavored?” He asks, not really sure why.  
  
“Strawberry.” Suho answers, and then he’s taking Jongin all the way down his throat in one go.  
  
“FUCK!” Jongin shouts, throwing his head back and smacking it painfully off the headboard. “ _Jesus._ ”  
  
Suho hums around him and Jongin can feel the vibrations in his bones. He tries for a minute to keep his hips still, but then Suho is massaging his balls and Jongin thrusts upward into the wet heat of Suho’s mouth. He’s surprised when the man doesn’t gag, instead pressing down further until his lips are sealed around the base of Jongin’s cock and jesus _fucking_ christ he’s swallowing around Jongin’s dick that’s halfway down his throat.  
  
Jongin’s eyes roll back in his head and his toes curl into the mattress and he’s thrusting shallowly into Suho’s mouth that’s sucking and working around him so masterfully. Suho starts bobbing on his dick, sucking so hard his cheeks hollow and Jongin’s so close. He slides his hand into Suho’s hair, gripping tightly and Suho pushes down all the way again, moaning as he works his throat around Jongin’s cock and that’s all it takes for Jongin to come with a shout, shooting his load into the condom.  
  
Suho pulls off with a pop, licking his lips before wiping them on the back of his hand. “I told you I was good.” He says, smirking at Jongin and _fuck_ he should not find that so attractive.  
  
“So you did.” Jongin pants, pulling the condom off and tying off the end.  
  
“I’ll take that.” Suho says, holding out his hand. “I’m gonna get us more drinks.” He takes their wine glasses and the used condom, dropping it in the trashcan on his way over to the bar. “Do you want something stronger, or is this wine okay?”  
  
Jongin slumps against the pillows, his head still spinning. “Um, I’ll stick to the wine, thanks.”  
  
When Suho returns to the bed, setting, their drinks down on the nightstand, Jongin can see the obvious bulge his suit pants and he reaches out and tugs on Suho’s waistband. “Let me.”  
  
Suho looks down at Jongin’s hand, which is creeping lower to cover his erection and he pushes his hips forward into Jongin’s touch. “Only if you want to. This isn’t about me, Jongin.”  
  
“I want to.” Jongin says, unbuckling Suho’s belt, and working his pants open. He pulls them down, along with his underwear, until they’re pooled around his ankles and he wraps his hand around Suho’s dick, tugging it a few times. Suho bends forward, resting his hands on Jongin’s shoulders. “Do I need a, um.” Jongin wouldn’t mind sucking Suho off without a condom, but he wants to respect the man’s rules. He looks down at Suho’s briefcase and the man follows his line of sight.  
  
“Only if you want to.” Suho repeats. “I’m clean.”  
  
With that, Jongin leans forward and licks a stripe up the underside of Suho’s cock, before taking it between his lips. He moans at the feeling of Suho, hard and heavy on his tongue. It’s been so long since he’s sucked someone off, and he relishes in the sounds he pulls out of the other man.  
  
Suho digs his fingers in Jongin’s shoulders, rocking shallowly into his mouth. “Jongin, shit,” he gasps, “your mouth is so good.” Jongin hums with pride, wrapping his fingers around what won’t fit in his mouth and twisting. Suho responds with a loud moan and a jerk of his hips.  
  
Jongin just keeps sucking, bobbing on Suho’s length until Suho’s thighs shake and he buries his fingers in Jongin’s hair. “I’m gonna cum, shit.” Jongin hums, sucking harder, craving the taste of Suho on his tongue. He pushes down as far as he can and Suho thrusts forward, coming in Jongin’s mouth as he swallows it all greedily, milking him dry. Suho pulls out of Jongin’s mouth, brushing his bangs off his forehead and smiling at him sweetly.  
  
“You’re something special, Jongin.” He says, stepping out of his pants and climbing back onto the bed. He settles in next to Jongin, reaching across him to grab his glass of wine.  
  
Jongin laughs, taking his own glass and knocking it against Suho’s with a clink. “Same to you.”  
  


  
  
  
  
  
**\- February 13, 2015 -**

  
  
  
  
  
  
It's been almost a month since Jongin met Suho, and he's seen him once a week since then. When he'd woken up the next morning, he'd found a card with Suho's number, "I look forward to doing business with you" written on the back. He'd waited nearly a week to call, and he'd been happy to catch a hint of relief in Suho's voice when he'd answered the phone.  
  
"I can't believe you're still seeing him." Jongdae says, leaning back in his chair and balancing it on two legs.  
  
"That's dangerous," is Jongin's reply. He takes another bite of his ramen.  
  
"I mean, we're glad you had fun, Jongin, but don't you think it's a little weird how often you're seeing him?" Baekhyun nudges his foot under the table. "Besides, what are you going to tell your dad when he sees how much money you're spending once a week. We know how much it costs to book him for 12 hours."  
  
"I'll figure it out _if_ he notices." Jongin is getting sick of this conversation. He knows what he's doing, and he can take care of himself. He just likes spending time with Suho. He likes getting his dick sucked. He doesn't know what the big deal is.  
  
"Jongin," Jongdae says, laying a hand on Jongin's forearm. "We know how attached you get. We don't want you to get hurt."  
  
"I know." Jongin answers, genuinely thankful for their concern, but this is different. He knows what he's getting into.  
  


  
  
  
  
  
**\- February 27, 2015 -**

  
  
  
  
  
  
"You said this doesn't have to be a sex thing, right?" Jongin asks when Suho greets him by sliding his hand down the front of Jongin's pants.  
  
"Um, no, it doesn't." Suho takes a step backwards, looking at Jongin in confusion. "Is something wrong?"  
  
"No." Jongin shrugs. "I just thought we could relax tonight. Watch a movie or listen to music and talk or something."  
  
"I mean, that's fine, Jongin." Suho says, walking over to the bed and flopping down on it. "But if that's all you want to do, can't you just do that with your friends? I mean I'm a really expensive date, Jongin." He raises an eyebrow.  
  
"I know that. And I mean, I'm not saying I don't _want_ to have sex, but let's just, you know, hang out first."  
  
"Whatever you want Jongin." He grabs Jongin's hand and tugs him down onto the bed. "It's your money."  
  


  
  
  
  
  
**\- March 27, 2015 -**

  
  
  
  
  
  
It's been two and a half months and Jongin and Suho have built a sort of routine for themselves. Jongin books Suho for 12 hours every Friday night, 9pm to 9am. Most mornings Suho slips out while Jongin is still sleeping, but those Saturday mornings that Jongin wakes to Suho snuggled against his side are becoming more frequent, and Jongin finds himself looking forward to it.  
  
His friends still don’t understand. He gets it. They’re worried about him getting attached, using Suho as a replacement for a real relationship, and they might be right, but Jongin just doesn’t care. He goes through every week looking forward to Friday, to spending time with Suho. It’s not all sex anymore. Some nights, they’ll just lie in bed and watch movies, cuddled together as Jongin draws lazy patterns on Suho’s back. It’s nice.  
  
Jongin is fixing drinks for them when Suho walks through the door, briefcase in tow. He drops it onto the chair before walking up behind Jongin and wrapping his arms around Jongin's waist, pressing a kiss between his shoulder blades. "What are we drinking tonight?"  
  
"Rum and coke?" Jongin turns in Suho's hold, handing him a drink and pinching his nose. The gesture has become a sort of replacement for a kiss. As it turns out, Suho holds very strictly to his _no-kissing-on-the-lips_ rule, and whenever Jongin becomes overwhelmed with the urge to press his lips to Suho's, he reaches out to pinch his nose instead. Suho had complained about it at first, but when Jongin told him the alternative was a kiss on the mouth, he'd conceded, patting Jongin's cheek.  
  
They walk together to the bed, and Suho sets his drink aside before sitting down and running his hands up Jongin's thighs and over his waist. He lifts Jongin's shirt and presses a kiss to the skin above Jongin's belly button. "What's the plan tonight?" He asks, nosing against the thin dusting of hair below Jongin's navel. "I still have that whole briefcase of goodies we haven't even touched yet." He waggles his eyebrows suggestively.  
  
Jongin laughs, sliding his fingers into Suho's hair, stiff with product, and massages his scalp. "I don't know if I'm ready for all that, yet." He takes a big sip of his drink, coughing, because _damn_ he put too much rum in there. "I think we should let you make the drinks from now on."  
  
"Agreed." Suho runs his hands down over Jongin's ass, squeezing playfully, before lying back on the bed and getting comfy against the pillows. "Wanna play a game?"  
  
Jongin climbs over him, raising an eyebrow. "What kind of game?"  
  
"Not that kind of game." Suho says pushing Jongin until he flops onto his side.  "Have you ever played never have I ever?"  
  
Jongin nods, reaching across Suho to grab his drink.  
  
"Okay, so we'll play until 5? Every time you get a point, you have to drink, and when you lose, you have to finish your drink, and my drink, too." He grins at Jongin.  
  
"Who says you're going to win? I'm cutthroat with this game, I'm warning you." He nudges Suho's leg with his knee. "Who goes first?"  
  
"I'll let you go first." Suho says. "I'm confident." Jongin takes another sip of his drink, forgetting how strong he'd made it and coughing into the back of his hand. "You'd better get used to that, soon, my friend. You're going to be drinking both of these before you know it."  
  
"Never have I ever been a male escort." Jongin says, smiling triumphantly when Suho's eyes go wide.  
  
"Wow, fuck you." He grumps, taking a large gulp from his glass and wincing as he swallows. "I see how this is gonna go. Never have I ever taken a dance class." He says, sticking his tongue out at Jongin.  
  
"Yeah, okay, you got me." He tips his head back, filling his mouth with his mixed drink and shuddering when he swallows it down. "Never have I ever....gone by a false name."  
  
"It's Junmyeon." Suho says when he swallows.  
  
"Excuse me?" Jongin asks  
  
"My name. It's Junmyeon." He smiles at Jongin, and Jongin feels a tingle run up his spine.  
  
"Junmyeon." Jongin tries the name out, and he's pleased at the way it feels on his tongue. "Junmyeon." He repeats, and Suho- _Junmyeon_ \- smiles wider.  
  
"Feel free to call me that, if you want." Jongin feels like his face might split open with how wide he's grinning. It's not much, but Suho- **_Junmyeon_** \- is revealing bits of himself to Jongin and it fills Jongin's chest with a pleasant warmth. "Stop grinning at me like that, you look weird." Junmyeon says, pinching Jongin's side.  
  
"Your turn _Junmyeon._ "  
  
"Never have I ever left South Korea." Junmyeon smiles at Jongin like he's got him, but Jongin shakes his head.  
  
"Nope, sorry. Drink up."  
  
"Wow, really?" Junmyeon tilts his head like a confused puppy and Jongin reaches out and pinches his nose.  
  
"My parents travel around a lot for business, but they've always left me behind. Sorry." He reaches out and lifts Junmyeon's glass. "Drink up, my dear." He waits for Junmyeon to finish taking a drink and then says, "Never have I ever lived alone."  
  
"Shit." Junmyeon says, taking a deep breath before taking another sip. "This doesn't get easier to drink, does it?"  
  
"I wouldn't know," Jongin teases.  
  
"Do you still live with your parents?" Junmyeon asks, leaning back against the pillows and draping his legs over Jongin's.  
  
"Nah," Jongin rests his hand on Junmyeon's calf, rubbing idly with his thumb.  "I live with Chanyeol." He slides his hand up Junmyeon's calf and over his thigh before dragging it back down and Junmyeon sighs, contentedly. "My parents pay for it. They give me a kind of allowance every month. Way more than I could ever need. Their way of bribing me into graduating from business school." He takes another drink.  
  
"I see." Junmyeon says, curling his hand around Jongin's forearm, tracing his fingers over the veins there. "Your turn."  
  
"Never have I ever had a vibrating dildo in my ass." He laughs wildly when Junmyeon punches him in shoulder. Junmyeon quickly downs the rest of his drink, and Jongin's and then he's pushing Jongin onto his back and crawling over him.  
  
"Well, then I know what we're doing tonight."  
  


  
  
  
  
  
**\- April 17, 2015 -**

  
  
  
  
  
  
**message to joonie**  
5:00pm _i think i might have the flu or something :-( i'm gonna have to cancel tonight_  
  
**message from joonie**  
5:03pm _we could cancel, or i could bring you soup and movies and cuddle you until you feel better_  
5:03pm _i'll only charge half my usual :)_  
  
**message to joonie**  
5:05pm _sounds like a deal._  
  
"Is that your boyfriend?" Chanyeol leans into his personal space, trying to get a peek at his phone.  
  
"Go away or I'll cough on you." Jongin turns his phone over in his lap, leaning against the arm of the couch.  
  
"You know I love you, right?" Chanyeol asks, stretching his legs out beside him and digging his toes into Jongin's ass.  
  
"I know."  
  
"You know I think you're being foolish, right?"  
  
"You've said that a few time, yes."  
  


  
  
  
  
  
**\- May 22, 2015 -**

  
  
  
  
  
  
They're lying in bed after a round of pretty adventurous sex, as far as Jongin is concerned. They'd tried out the cuffs and blindfolds tonight and Jongin had come harder than he can ever remember. They're both sated and spent, Jongin's arm around Junmyeon's shoulder and Junmyeon snuggled against his side.  
  
"It's my birthday today." Junmyeon confesses, dropping a kiss on Jongin's shoulder.  
  
Jongin looks down at him, eyes widening in surprise. "Why didn't you tell me? We could have rescheduled."  
  
Junmyeon shakes his head, running his hand down Jongin's side. "Maybe I wanted to spend it with you."  
  
"I'm flattered," Jongin can feel that warmth spreading in his chest again and he cards his fingers through Junmyeon's sweaty hair. "But surely you have other people you could have spent your birthday with. I mean, I'm just your client, right?"  
  
Junmyeon lifts up so he's propped on his elbow, frowning at Jongin, and Jongin wants to kiss that frown right off his face. He reaches out and pinches his nose. Junmyeon slumps back down onto Jongin's shoulder and wraps his arms around Jongin's waist. "You're not-" he sighs, kissing Jongin's chest. "I just wanted to see you. I always want to see you."  
  
Jongin tightens his hold on Junmyeon, kissing the top of his head. "Me too."  
  


  
  
  
  
  
**\- July 3, 2015 -**

  
  
  
  
  
  
"I want to see you dance." Junmyeon says when they're halfway through their third bottle of wine. He's sitting on the floor, his shoulders resting against the foot of the bed and Jongin is lying on his stomach between Junmyeon's outstretched legs, his head resting on Junmyeon's hip.  
  
"What?" Jongin asks against the skin of Junmyeon's abdomen.  
  
"Dance for me." Junmyeon scratches Jongin's scalp, sending a shiver down his spine. "I really want to see you dance." Jongin looks up and Junmyeon is looking at him so earnestly. "Please?"  
  
"No." Jongin is drunk off his ass right now and he's not so sure he can even stand, let alone dance. "Not gonna happen."  
  
Junmyeon pouts at him and Jongin reaches up and grabs his lip, pulling on it. "Pleeeaasse?" He whines, drawing out the word.  
  
"How about I suck you off instead." Jongin suggests, mouthing at Junmyeon's dick through his boxers.  
  
"No, I'm serious." He pushes at Jongin's head until Jongin gives up, lifting himself up onto his knees and sitting back on his heels.  
  
"I can't." He takes Junmyeon's hands in his own. "It's not that I don't want to, I just." He lets out a defeated sigh. "You're putting me on the spot."  
  
"What if I go first?" Junmyeon pulls himself up onto the bed, reaching into his discarded pants for his phone. "I'll dance for you, and then you can dance for me."  
  
Jongin crawls forward until he's kneeling between Junmyeon's legs and he slides his hands up Junmyeon's thighs to his waist. "Yeah? You're gonna dance for me?" He laughs and Junmyeon nods enthusiastically. "I didn't know you danced."  
  
"I'm kind of a big deal." Junmyeon brags, standing and taking a step away from the bed. "Go sit in that chair over there and be amazed." He presses play on his phone then tosses it on the bed, kneeling down on one knee.  
  
Jongin lets out a loud laugh as the first few notes of Sistar's Alone start playing through the phone's speakers and Junmyeon rolls his head, pushing his butt out and rolling his spine up until he's standing. He's laughing as he bends forward dragging his hands down his chest and thighs and Jongin throws his head back, clutching his sides as he laughs.  
  
Jongin covers his mouth with his hand to stifle his laughter as the beat kicks in and Junmyeon tries his best to keep up with the choreography, popping his booty and lifting his leg, but he's laughing too hard. "Like what you see, big boy?" He asks, giving his best attempt at a body roll, his spine too stiff to be effective. He walks toward Jongin, pulling him out of his chair and spinning, grinding his ass against Jongin's crotch.  
  
"Oh my god, please stop." Jongin pleads, but Junmyeon just spins around again so he's facing Jongin and runs his hands up his chest while swinging his hips, stiffly. He looks like a fool and Jongin's sides hurt from laughing, so he rushes forward, tackling Junmyeon onto the bed.  
  
"Ouch!" Junmyeon laughs when he lands on Jongin's arm and he hits Jongin's chest playfully, wriggling in his grasp as Jongin digs his fingers into Junmyeon's ribs relentlessly.  
  
"You are such a dork, oh my god."  
  
"You know you loved it!" Junmyeon retorts, shrieking when Jongin finds a particularly ticklish spot in his side. He bucks wildly, trying to squirm free but Jongin won't budge. "I give up!" He gasps, stilling in Jongin's hold and he looks up at Jongin with a bright smile. Jongin suddenly feels like he's had the wind knocked out of him, his heart pounding in his chest as Junmyeon reaches out to run his fingers over Jongin's cheek. "Hey," Junmyeon whispers and Jongin pushes Junmyeon's hair off his forehead, leaning down and bumping their noses together.  
  
"I really want to kiss you." Jongin confesses, his stomach swooping.  
  
"I'm sorry." Junmyeon says weakly, and Jongin sighs, rolling off of Junmyeon and onto his back. "Jongin, hey." He reaches out for Jongin's hand, closing his fingers around it.  
  
"No, I get it." He doesn't, really, but he doesn't want to talk about it. "Do you want some more wine?" He asks, sitting up and reaching over the edge of the bed to grab the bottle off the floor. "It looks like there's enough for two more glasses."  
  
Junmyeon scoots up beside him, wrapping his arms around Jongin's waist and kissing the back of his shoulder. "I'm sorry, Jongin." He runs his fingers over Jongin's ribs and Jongin melts against him. "I like you, you know that, but you know what this is."  
  
Jongin huffs out a breath and it feels like he's deflating. "Yeah, I know." He turns to press a kiss to Junmyeon's forehead and pinches his nose.  
  


  
  
  
  
  
**\- August 19, 2015 -**

  
  
  
  
  
  
**message from joonie**  
1:30pm _i tried that noodle place you told me about. yum!_  
1:35pm _wish you were here ( >3<)_  
  
"What the hell is going on with you two?" Chanyeol asks from across the table as Jongin smiles down at his phone. "He's texting you in the middle of the week now?"  
  
"Actually, no. This is the first time." Jongin can't help but feel a bit of excitement bubbling up inside of him, but he tries to ignore it. He's not feeling up for another one of Chanyeol's lectures, however heartfelt and loving it may be.  
  
"Doesn't that, I don't know, fall outside the normal boundaries of hooker-client relationships?"  
  
"I don't know," Jongin admits, wrinkling his nose at Chanyeol's choice of words. "Probably." Chanyeol merely shakes his head.  
  
"I'm just having fun, Chanyeol. You're the one who said I needed a little excitement in my life. You're the one who ordered a male escort for me in the first place." He crosses his arms in front of him. He knows Chanyeol is right. It's been seven months and Jongin hasn't done a very good job of not getting attached, but he's too stubborn to admit it, and as dangerous as it is, he doesn't want to give it up.  
  
"I just don't want you to get your heart broken."  
  


  
  
  
  
  
**\- October 23, 2015 -**

  
  
  
  
  
  
"How's school going?" Junmyeon asks as he massages Jongin's shoulders, kneading his fingers into the stiff muscles.  
  
"I hate it.  It's suffocating." He whines into the pillow, groaning when Junmyeon digs his knuckle into a particularly stubborn knot.  
  
"Why don't you just drop out then? If you hate it so much."  
  
Jongin lets out a bitter laugh, craning his neck to look back at Junmyeon. "My father would disown me."  
  
"I think he'd get over it, eventually, don't you?" He drags his hands down Jongin's back, pressing his thumbs into the muscles just above the waistband of his boxers and Jongin sighs at how good it feels.  
  
"You don't know my father."  
  
"You're right, I don't." Junmyeon says, and he climbs off of Jongin, lying on his side next to him. "But you don't want to be stuck doing something you hate for the rest of your life do you?" He scratches his nails over Jongin's back in soothing circular patterns. "What about dancing? Aren't you passionate about that? You should pursue it, Jongin."  
  
"That's not going to happen." Jongin snaps. "I'm sorry." He says when Junmyeon recoils. "I didn't mean to yell at you, I just. I told my father when I was 16 years old that I wanted to be a dancer. I told him I'd never be able to have the kind of job he has. He threatened to throw me out. Told me how much of a disappointment I was and that I'd never make my family proud."  
  
"I'm sorry, Jongin" Junmyeon whispers, reaching up to card his fingers through Jongin's hair.  
  
"I don't know, after that I kind of became determined to prove him wrong, you know?" Junmyeon nods his understanding. "But it's killing me."  
  
"I get it." says Junmyeon, rubbing Jongin's ear. "But you should really do what you love, what makes you happy."  
  
"Oh, like you're doing? This can’t be your big dream." Jongin regrets it the second it's out of his mouth, and Junmyeon retracts his hand, holding it as if Jongin's skin had burned him. "I'm so sorry." Jongin reaches out for him, grateful when he doesn't make a move to get away. "I don't know why I said that."  
  
"I was in school 3 years ago, when I was your age." Junmyeon says, "I was studying to be an architect."  
  
"I didn't know that." Jongin threads their fingers together, rubbing Junmyeon's knuckles with his thumb.  
  
"Yeah, there's a lot you don't know about me." Jongin wants to say that he'd like to know more, if only Junmyeon would tell him, but he thinks now is not the best time for that. "Anyway, things happened. My family lost a lot of money, and we lost our home, and I just couldn't afford it all anymore." He looks down at their hands, clasped between them, then back up at Jongin. "I'm doing this so I can go back, Jongin. I've loved buildings since I was little. I used to build little cities with my brother out of shoeboxes and books, and anything else I could stack." He scoots closer, wedging his leg between Jongin's. "It's what I love, and I'll do just about anything to make it happen." He lets go of Jongin's hand to cup the back of his neck, rubbing at the soft hairs at his nape. "You should do that, too."  
  
"Are you telling me to become a male escort?" He smirks, shrieking with surprise when Junmyeon smacks the back of his head.  
  
"No, that's not what I'm telling you. Although," he slides his hand down Jongin's back to his ass, and squeezes "it has its perks."  
  


  
  
  
  
  
**\- November 27, 2015 -**

  
  
  
  
  
  
It's times like this - lying on his side with Junmyeon, their hands clasped between them and knees bumping together - that Jongin remembers most when he goes home to his normal, boring life. He thinks about the sex, too, the way their bodies fit and move so perfectly together, but it's the moments after that Jongin truly treasures. It's these moments that have Jongin clinging to the hope that maybe Junmyeon feels at least a fraction of what Jongin feels when they're together. Jongin pulls his hand from Junmyeon's grasp to brush back the hair that's fallen across his forehead, smiling when Junmyeon's eyes flutter closed and he nuzzles into Jongin's fingers as they drag over his cheek.  He doesn't like to think about it, but he wonders if it's like this with the others - if Junmyeon shows them the same affection after sex, or if he's somehow special.  It's hard not to feel that way when Jongin wakes up nearly every Saturday morning to Junmyeon pressed close to his side.  
  
"Can I ask you something?" Jongin ventures, sliding his fingers into Junmyeon's hair, scratching gently at his scalp.  
  
"Hmmm," is Junmyeon's sleepy response.  He drapes his arm over Jongin's side and pulls him closer, tucking his head under Jongin's chin to nuzzle against his chest.  
  
"Am I your favorite?" Junmyeon tenses against him, and Jongin instantly regrets asking. "I'm sorry that was- I shouldn't have asked." He feels a bit like an idiot, and now that he's asked the question aloud, he's not even sure he really wants to know the answer. It's naive of him to think that Junmyeon feels anything for him. He's an escort and he's simply doing what he's paid to do. Suddenly feeling a little uncomfortable and a lot foolish, Jongin tries to extract himself from Junmyeon's hold, but the elder tightens his grip around Jongin's waist, keeping him in place.  
  
"You can't ask me things like that, Jongin." Junmyeon's voice is firm, but there's a gentleness to it that is mirrored in the way he drags his fingers in slow circles over Jongin's back. And then, much quieter, he says "I think you know the answer, though."  
  


  
  
  
  
  
**\- January 14, 2016 -**

  
  
  
  
  
  
Jongin's not expecting Junmyeon to already be there when he arrives, so he's pleasantly surprised to see his shiny leather loafers inside the door when he walks into the hotel room. He's been feeling so excited about tonight. It's been exactly one year since Junmyeon walked into his life, and despite the warnings from his friends and his own nagging feelings that things can only end badly, he's allowed himself to fall for Junmyeon. He can't help but get excited over Junmyeon sharing more of himself with Jongin. He doesn't think he's been imagining the way Junmyeon has been acting over the past few months – the way he touches Jongin – always holding his hand and rubbing his back – the way he'll text Jongin in the middle of the week just to see how he's doing, the way he looks him in the eye when they fuck. Call him crazy, but he just knows tonight is going to be special. It is his birthday, after all.  
  
When he walks through the narrow entryway and into the hotel room, he sees Junmyeon lying on the bed and he stops, surprised by the image before him. The older man is lying, completely naked, on top of black silk sheets. His dick is half-hard and there's a red ribbon tied around the base. Jongin can feel his dick stirring in his pants, but then he sees the look on Junmyeon's face and he bursts into laughter. Junmyeon's cheeks are bright red, and he's biting his lip shyly, looking at Jongin, but refusing to meet his eyes.  
  
"What is this?" Jongin laughs, walking toward the bed and sitting on the edge of it, just by Junmyeon's hip.  
  
"I thought you'd think it was sexy." Junmyeon says, his voice soft and he covers his face with his hands. "But the longer I laid here the more I realized how stupid it is." He lets out an embarrassed laugh. "I was about to get up and put my clothes back on, but then I heard you coming."  
  
Jongin takes Junmyeon's hands in his, pulling them away from Junmyeon's face. "It's not stupid." Jongin's smiles, rubbing Junmyeon's knuckles comfortingly.  "It's awesome! I love it. I love -" ( ~~you~~ ) "I really love it." He kisses Junmyeon's hands before crawling on the bed and climbing over him. He pulls on one end of the ribbon, doing his best to smirk seductively at Junmyeon, who is still avoiding his eyes. "Hey." Jongin says, cupping Junmyeon's chin and forcing him to look up at him. "I mean it, I absolutely love this. Thank you for doing this for me." Junmyeon smiles at him, then, and Jongin drops his hand, sliding it down Junmyeon's chest and over his abs. "Can I unwrap my present now?"  
  
Junmyeon smacks him in the chest. "Don't be gross," he laughs, but that turns to a low moan when Jongin bends down and takes the tip of Junmyeon's cock in his mouth. "Shit, Jongin." He slumps back against the pillows and Jongin presses lower, running his hands down Junmyeon's thighs. "Jongin, it's _your_ birthday."  
  
Jongin pulls off with a pop, untying the ribbon and making sure to drag the soft fabric across Junmyeon's rapidly-hardening cock. "And this is what I want." He leaves a trail of wet kisses up the underside of Junmyeon's cock, before sliding it between his lips again. Junmyeon takes a deep shuddering breath, and Jongin can feel the older man's thighs shaking beneath his hands. Jongin presses down as far as he can, sucking hard. The sounds Junmyeon makes as Jongin bobs on his dick have Jongin's own cock hardening in his pants, and he reaches down to press his hand against it. He moans around Junmyeon's cock and Junmyeon's hips buck up, the head of his dick bumping against the back of Jongin's throat and Jongin fights against the urge to gag.  
  
"Sorry!" Junmyeon gasps, sliding his hands into Jongin's hair, but Jongin just presses down further, relaxing his throat to take more of Junmyeon in his mouth. "Fuck!" Junmyeon groans, scratching his nails over Jongin's scalp and watching as Jongin swallows around the head of his cock. Junmyeon's mouth falls open, pink tongue darting out to wet his lips and he moans, tightening his grip on Jongin's hair and thrusting shallowly into his mouth. Jongin feels a sense of satisfaction at how Junmyeon has already lost himself in the pleasure of Jongin's mouth around him. His eyes squeeze shut and throws his head back, his chest heaving. Jongin sucks harder, sliding his hand up the smooth skin of Junmyeon's inner thigh and to his balls, running his fingertips over them gently. Junmyeon moans, loud and low, and the sound goes straight to Jongin's dick. Junmyeon has always beens so good to Jongin, giving him exactly what he wants, but right now, all Jongin wants is to pull more of these sounds out of Junmyeon, to make him fall apart. To make him feel as good as Jongin feels when he's with him.  
  
Junmyeon is writhing against the silky sheets, one hand buried in Jongin's hair and the other teasing his own nipple, twisting the bud between his thumb and forefinger. The sight sends a fresh wave of arousal through Jongin and he bobs faster on Junmyeon's cock, sucking harder. Their nights together have always been about Jongin's pleasure, getting Jongin off, but seeing Junmyeon so lost in his own pleasure is something Jongin could get used to. His own cock is hard and aching, pressing against the zipper of his jeans, but that can wait, right now he just wants to see Junmyeon fall apart. He thinks Junmyeon must be close. His thighs are trembling and he's letting out these breathy moans, pulling sharply at Jongin's hair. Jongin groans around Junmyeon, pressing down until his nose is buried in the thatch of black hair above Junmyeon's cock and he swallows, fighting the urge to gag until it passes. He works his throat around the head of Junmyeon's dick, and Junmyeon cries out, his hips twitching. Jongin looks up at Junmyeon and nods and Junmyeon curses, gripping Jongin's hair with both hands and thrusting into his mouth. Jongin groans at the feeling of Junmyeon fucking into his mouth. He is beyond turned on at this point, rutting into the mattress to relieve some of the pressure building between his legs.  
  
"Jongin!" Junmyeon shouts, thrusting upwards and stilling. "I'm gonna- _shit._ " The first spurt of Junmyeon's cum takes Jongin by surprise, but he recovers quickly, swallowing around the head of Junmyeon's cock as he spills down his throat. His hips twitch and he lets out a long, loud moan of Jongin's name. Jongin keeps sucking, bobbing on Junmyeon's length until the older man is pushing at his head, his chest heaving. "Shit, Jongin," he pants. "This night is supposed to be about you." Jongin lets Junmyeon's dick fall from between his lips and he crawls over Junmyeon. All he wants is to bend down and kiss Junmyeon's pink mouth, but he settles for a kiss to his collarbone then flops on his side next to Junmyeon.  
  
"That's what I wanted." Jongin says, sliding his hand down Junmyeons chest, running his fingers over the older man's abs.  
  
"Is that all you wanted?" Junmyeon asks, rolling onto his side to face Jongin and pushing his sweaty hair off his forehead. Jongin feels a pleasant nervousness building in his gut and spreading up into his chest, but he pushes it down. How easy it would be to just lean forward and close the distance between them, covering Junmyeon's mouth with his own, but he can't bring himself to do it. He's too scared of pushing the older man away. Instead he leans into Junmyeon's hand where it rests against his cheek.  
  
"No." Jongin says, running his hand down Junmyeon's side to rest on his hip. "I want to fuck you."  
  
Junmyeon's eyes widen comically for a moment, but then a smile spreads across his face. "Yeah?" He whispers, sliding a hand between their bodies to unbutton Jongin's pants. He slides his hand under the waistband of Jongin's underwear to wrap around his cock.  
  
Jongin hums, his hips bucking into the heat of Junmyeon's hand. "Yeah. Fuck."  
  
Junmyeon pushes Jongin onto his back, tugging his pants and boxers off before crawling off the bed and walking to his briefcase on the chair in the corner of the room. Jongin can't help but close his hand around his cock, pulling at it lazily as Junmyeon bends over to root through the case until he finds what he's looking for. He turns and walks toward Jongin, a bottle of lube and condoms in his hand and he's smirking playfully. "You like what you see?" He asks, climbing onto the bed. He tugs at the hem of Jongin's sweater, pulling it up and over his head before lying on his back beside him.  
  
"Very much." says Jongin, kissing Junmyeon's shoulder and sliding his hand over Junmyeon's stomach and thigh. He grabs Junmyeon's leg, lifting it and draping it over his own legs. Junmyeon grabs Jongin's hand, squeezing some of the lube onto his fingers and guiding it between his spread legs. Jongin presses a kiss to Junmyeon's jaw as he presses his finger inside Junmyeon's hole, gasping at how easily Junmyeon takes him in. "Shit. Wow." He draws his finger out, dragging it over Junmyeon's rim before pressing back in with two fingers, meeting little resistance. He pumps his fingers slowly, pressing wet kisses along Junmyeon's jaw and down his neck. Junmyeon moans, spreading his legs wider and grinding down on Jongin's hand as Jongin sucks at the base of his throat. "Fuck" Jongin whispers as Junmyeon easily takes in a third finger.  
  
"I stretched myself earlier." Junmyeon's voice is breathy, cracking in places as he continues to fuck himself of Jongin's fingers. "Just in case."  
  
Jongin groans, his cheeks heating up at the thought of Junmyeon fucking himself open while thinking of Jongin. "Shit, Junmyeon." He sinks his teeth into Junmyeon's neck. "That's fucking hot."  
  
Junmyeon laughs, taking Jongin into his hand and stroking gently. "How do you want me, Jongin?"  
  
"Ride me." Jongin moans against Junmyeon's sweaty skin, pulling his hand out from between Junmyeon's legs. Junmyeon whimpers, but he straddles Jongin, ripping open the foil packet and rolling the condom down over Jongin's erection. He holds the base of Jongin's dick and lines himself up, sinking down slowly. Jongin doesn't even realize he's been holding his breath until he lets it all out in a rush once Junmyeon is fully seated. It feels amazing; Junmyeon hot and tight around him, but Jongin resists the urge to thrust up into him, knowing how important it is to take this at Junmyeon's pace. He wants this to be good for Junmyeon, too. He slides his hands over Junmyeon's hips and up his sides, looking up at him and he feels his heart skip a beat or two at the way Junmyeon returns his gaze. The older man maintains eye contact, moaning as he slowly rolls his hips and Jongin gasps, his fingers digging into Junmyeon's sides. Junmyeon lifts up slowly, circling his hips before slamming back down and Jongin cries out, squeezing his eyes shut and biting into his lip as Junmyeon starts grinding his ass on Jongin's lap, his walls clenching around Jongin's dick and _fuck_ that feels so good.  
  
"Look at me." Junmyeon says, his voice hoarse, and Jongin's eyes fly open. "I want you to look at me, Jongin." Jongin trains his eyes on Junmyeon's face, and yes, this is much better. Junmyeon's mouth falls open in a silent moan and he throws his head back, bearing his neck to Jongin, who uses his grip on Junmyeon's sides to pull himself into a seated position. Jongin buries his face in the crook of Junmyeon's neck, sucking and biting the skin there as he runs his hands over Junmyeon's thighs. He helps Junmyeon unfold his legs, and the older man crosses his legs behind Jongin's back, rolling his hips steadily and making Jongin's head spin. Jongin scoots back on the bed, leaning against the headboard and stretching his legs out in front of him. Junmyeon is looking down at him, biting his bottom lip as he circles his hips and Jongin thinks this is the sweetest kind of torture. He wants to fuck up into the tight heat of Junmyeon's ass until he comes, but the way Junmyeon is working his hips, rutting and frotting and grinding is so sensual and it's driving Jongin crazy.  
  
"Fuck, Junmyeon, do you know what you're doing to me?" Junmyeon laughs, wrapping his arms around Jongin's head and pulling him to his chest. Jongin slides his hands up Junmyeon's back, kissing his way across Junmyeon's chest and closing his mouth around Junmyeon's nipple. Junmyeon arches against Jongin's mouth, rolling his hips harder and faster. Jongin runs his tongue over it, alternating between flicks of his tongue and light nips with his teeth and Junmyeon clenches around Jongin's cock.  
  
"Fuck me." Junmyeon begs, folding his legs under him again so he can lift himself up, letting gravity slam him back down and Jongin nearly shouts, scratching his nails down Junmyeon's back. He digs his fingers into Junmyeon's sides, holding him still as he fucks up into that delicious heat. Junmyeon tightens his grip in Jongin's hair, tilting Jongin's head back to look up at him. His mouth is hanging open and his pupils are blown wide as he lowers to press his forehead to Jongin's. Jongin slows his thrusts, rolling his hips slowly in time with Junmyeon's and he feels like he can't breathe with the way Junmyeon is making it impossible for him to look away. There’s an intensity in his eyes, holding onto Jongin's gaze so firmly as he grinds down on Jongin's dick. Jongin drags his tongue across his bottom lip and Junmyeon's gaze flicks down to his mouth, following the movement with his eyes. "Jongin." He whispers and then he's tilting his head, his eyes falling closed. Jongin's heart is pounding and he sighs as he feels the brush of Junmyeon's lips against his own. It's over as soon as it starts though, Junmyeon ducking to suck a mark into Jongin's neck and fucking himself harder on Jongin's cock. Jongin feels a sharp pang of disappointment, but it's quickly replaced with a need to come as Junmyeon starts bouncing in his lap. Jongin presses his fingertips into Junmyeon's hips helping to slam him down as he thrusts up and he can feel himself so close to the edge. He tries to hold on as long as he can, wanting to get Junmyeon off, so he reaches between their bodies, wrapping his hand around Junmyeon's cock. Junmyeon's moan is loud against his neck as he comes over their chests, his muscles squeezing and fluttering around Jongin's cock. It only takes one more thrust for Jongin to snap, biting into Junmyeon's collarbone as he spills inside the condom, hips twitching when Junmyeon continues to roll his hips.  
  
Jongin slumps backwards against the pillows when he's finished, pulling Junmyeon down on top of him. "Happy birthday." Junmyeon whispers, pressing a kiss to his temple before lifting himself off of Jongin, wincing when Jongin's dick falls from between his legs. He grabs a tissue off the nightstand and cleans them up before removing Jongin's condom for him and tying off the end. He sets the condom on a tissue on the nightstand and Jongin wrinkles his nose.  
  
"That's fucking gross." He laughs, wrapping his arms around Junmyeon's waist and pulling him close.  
  
"I'll throw it away later." Junmyeon replies, snuggling against Jongin's chest.  
  
Jongin sighs, loving the sticky weight of Junmyeon against his side. He loves the time he spends with Junmyeon, but it's not enough anymore. He wants more. He _needs it._ He had been pretty sure before tonight that Junmyeon was starting to feel it too, but after tonight...there's no doubt anymore, is there? "Hey, Junmyeon," Jongin ventures, sliding his hand over Junmyeon's back.  
  
"Hmmm?"  
  
"You know I love you, right?" He kisses the top of Junmyeon's head.  
  
"Go to sleep Jongin."  
  
"Yeah, ok.  We'll talk in the morning."  
  
When Jongin wakes up in the morning, it's to an empty bed.  
  
[pt ii](http://snapbaeks.livejournal.com/2508.html)  
---


	2. Chapter 2

****

\- January 21, 2016 -

  
**message to joonie**  
10:54pm _we're still on for tomorrow, right?_

****

\- January 29, 2016 -

  
**message to joonie**  
2:00pm _i haven't heard from you...are we meeting tonight?_

 **message from joonie**  
7:30pm _i'm sorry, jongin. we can't do this anymore._  
7:35pm _i'm changing my number_  
7:35pm _goodbye, jongin_

****

\- February 5, 2016 -

  
"When is the last time you showered?" Chanyeol has forced his way into Jongin's room, and is currently sitting on his bed and looking at him with a mix of concern and disgust.

"Leave me alone." Jongin whines, pulling his comforter over his head. Maybe if he can't see Chanyeol and his annoyingly bright smile and too-big ears, then he's not really there.

"Jongin." This time it's Baekhyun speaking and Jongin is not sure when he got here, but he is sure that he wants him to leave. "Jongin, we're worried about you," says Baekhyun, and Jongin feels the bed dip as Baekhyun flops down beside him. Baekhyun grabs the corner of the blanket and peels it down to Jongin's shoulders. "I know this sucks, Jongin," Baekhyun says, wrapping an arm around his waist and snuggling against him. "but you need to get out of bed. And you need to eat." He leans forward to nuzzle his nose against Jongin's jaw. "and wow, you need to fucking shower." Jongin shoves him off the bed.

"It's true, Jongin." Chanyeol says, once he's stopped laughing at Baekhyun's misfortune. "Why don't you get in the shower, and Baekhyun and I will run down to that chicken place you like so much and get you some lunch." Jongin groans, but he lifts himself into a seated position and throws the blankets off himself. "Nice," Chanyeol says as he pats Jongin's overly greasy hair. "Progress!"

"Shut up and get out of here." Jongin grumps, stretching his arms above his head and grimacing as his spine pops and cracks, "Before I change my mind."

"C'mon, Chanyeol." Baekhyun says, grabbing the taller boy by the elbow and leading him out of the room.

Jongin waits until he hears the front door close behind them to haul himself out of bed. He grabs a fresh pair of boxers and a clean t-shirt and jeans from his closet before shuffling down the hallway and into the bathroom. He catches sight of himself in the mirror above the sink and shit, does he look awful. There's a thick stubble on his chin and dark circles under his eyes and _god_ his hair desperately needs a good wash. He strips out of his dirty clothes and steps into the shower, turning the water on and yelping at the frigid temperature. The water quickly warms though, and he steps beneath the spray, sighing at how good it feels on his stiff muscles. He squeezes a generous amount of shampoo on his hands and works it into his hair, amazed at how he's already starting to feel better. He tilts his head back to rinse the suds from his hair, running his fingers through it and massaging his scalp. It reminds him of the way Junmyeon would carefully wash Jongin's hair, planting trails of kisses along the backs of Jongins shoulders as he massaged the soap into his hair.

Junmyeon. It's only been three weeks, but Jongin misses him so much. _Aches_ for him. It was stupid of him to let himself get so attached to someone like Junmyeon, but it happened, and now here he is. He leans back against the cold tiled wall of his shower and slides down to the floor, hugging his knees to his chest.

****

\- February 19, 2016 -

  
"I don't know what to do." Jongin sniffles, looking up at Chanyeol from where his head rests in his friend's his lap.

"It's gonna be okay, Jongin." Chanyeol cards his fingers through Jongin's hair, giving him a sympathetic smile.

"How so?" Jongin fucked up. He feels like his whole world is crashing down on him. "My father's never going to talk to me again." He finally took Junmyeon's advice, standing up to his father, and the result had been just as Jongin expected. "I have no money. No job. Fuck."

"You have me, don't you?" Chanyeol gives him a goofy grin, trying to cheer him, but Jongin just turns, burying his face in Chanyeol's stomach. "We'll figure something out. Just don't worry about it right now."

Jongin sighs, closing his eyes and trying to get comfortable with Chanyeol's bony lap as a pillow. "Everything sucks." He declares.

"You know my friend Yixing?" Chanyeol asks, scratching at Jongin's scalp.

"The spacey one?"

"Yeah, that one." Chanyeol laughs. "He works at a dance studio. I can ask him if he needs help teaching some classes."

Jongin looks up at him smiling for the first time in what feels like forever. "Yeah. Do that." Chanyeol really is a great friend.

****

\- March 2, 2016 -

  
**message from giraffe**  
12:17pm _yixing says you can start tomorrow._  
12:17pm _he also told me about some auditions coming up. you should take them._

Jongin smiles to himself. Maybe things are starting to look up.

****

\- March 27, 2016 -

  
It's a beautiful day, Jongin thinks, as he crosses the street toward his favorite comic shop. The shop is on his walk home from the studio and he only needs one more issue of Ouran High School Host Club to complete his collection. There's a slight chill in the early spring air, but the sun is shining and it helps to elevate Jongin's mood.

The door chimes when he opens it and he waves at the shop owner as he descends the staircase. He stops when he reaches the bottom of the steps, his heart leaping in his chest. There, right in front of him, perusing an issue of Ouran High School Host Club, stands Junmyeon. Jongin stares in awe. He looks fucking _good._ He's dressed for his age for once, a pair of faded jeans and a blue hoodie, a black knit cap on his head. Jongin's only ever seen him in expensive suits or nothing at all, and he's amazed at just how attractive he looks in his casual clothes.

Jongin feels himself propelled forward against his will and he stops when he's standing by Junmyeon's side. "Junmyeon?"

Junmyeon looks up at him, his eyes widening in surprise. "Jongin!" They stand awkwardly for a moment, just looking at each other and Junmyeon clears his throat. "What are you doing here?"

He points to the book in Junmyeon's hand. "Same as you."

"Stupid question." Junmyeon laughs, and Jongin smiles despite himself, because _god_ he missed that laugh. He realizes he's staring, but he just can't help himself, because Junmyeon looks so _good._

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Junmyeon quirks his head to the side.

Jongin reaches out and tugs on Junmyeon's beanie. "You look really good like this."

"Thanks." Junmyeon says. "You look good, too." He smiles shyly and looks down at his feet.

"How have you been?"

"I've been okay." He turns the book over in his hands nervously. "You?"

Jongin grabs the issue he came for off the shelf. "Okay." He says. He feels uneasy, thrown off balance by running into Junmyeon so unexpectedly.

"Are you doing anything right now?" Junmyeon asks, and Jongin's stomach does a flip.

"No. Just grabbing this before heading home." He waves the book in front of Junmyeon's face.

"You wanna grab something to eat?"

Jongin's not so sure it's a good idea, but he agrees before he can change his mind.

Junmyeon places the manga back on his shelf, smiling up at Jongin with a nod as he leads him out of the shop.

The short walk to a sandwich shop is awkward and Jongin feels uncomfortable in his own skin. He’s not really sure what to say or how to act, and they slip into an uneasy silence.

The next time one of them talks is to order their lunch. Junmyeon slips his credit card across the counter to pay for both of them, waving off Jongin's protests.

"So, what have you been up to, Jongin?" Junmyeon asks once they've taken their seats

"I dropped out." Jongin says, unwrapping his sandwich and taking a bite.

"Really?" Junmyeon cocks his head, a smile spreading across his mouth. "How'd that go?"

"About as good as you'd expect." He swallows, washing it down with a drink of water. "I lost my allowance, and my father won't talk to me."

"I'm sorry." Junmyeon frowns, reaching across the table and laying his hand on Jongin's arm.

"It's okay." He looks down at Junmyeon's hand and Junmyeon retracts it, picking up a fry and popping it into his mouth. "My mom said she understands. She told me my father will come around. I just need to give him time, or something."

"Your mom is probably right." Junmyeon smiles at him. God, Jongin had missed that smile.

"I got a job." Junmyeon quirks an eyebrow in interest. "At a dance studio." Jongin grins, and so does Junmyeon.

"Jongin! That's great!" He looks so genuinely happy and Jongin feels a rush of affection swelling up inside of him. He reaches across the table and pinches Junmyeon's nose. It takes Junmyeon by surprise, and he flinches backwards and Jongin lets his hand fall to the table.

"I'm sorry." He says, looking down at his plate. "Old habits and shit."

"It's fine, Jongin." Junmyeon lays his hand over Jongin's, squeezing it.

When Jongin looks back up, Junmyeon's smile has returned and Jongin just misses him so much.

"What happened, Junmyeon?" He turns his hand over so it's pressed palm-to-palm with Junmyeon's and he curls his fingers, rubbing his knuckles against Junmyeon's skin.

Junmyeon's expression falls, and he looks down at his lap. "I'm so sorry, Jongin. I had to figure some things out."

"Did you?"

He looks back up at Jongin, smiling weakly. "Yeah, I think I did."

Jongin waits for him to elaborate, but Junmyeon doesn't say anything further. Fair enough.

The silence they slip into this time is not the same as the walk to the cafe. It’s a comfortable silence; reminiscent of those they shared wrapped up in each other’s arms.

They finished their meals and toss the wrappings, Jongin holding the door for Junmyeon as they leave.

They stand in awkward silence by the door and Jongin looks down at his shoes. He wants to spend more time with Junmyeon, but he's not sure Junmyeon wants his company.

"I guess I'll head home." Junmyeon says, kicking a rock across the sidewalk.

"Yeah, okay." Jongin feels a pang of disappointment that spreads in his chest. "Do you, um, have a thing tonight?"

Junmyeon laughs. "No, I don't. I don't do that anymore."

Jongin's head snaps up, and Junmyeon laughs harder. "You don't?" He can't help the smile that spreads across his face.

"No." He reaches out and grabs Jongin's elbow, sliding his hand down Jongin's arm and threading their fingers together. "Don't look so happy." Jongin's grin just grows. "Do you want to walk with me?  If you're free?"

"Yeah."

Junmyeon tugs him forward, leading the way. "I'm not far from here."

They walk hand-in-hand in easy silence and Jongin suddenly feels so much lighter. He tightens his grip on Junmyeon's hand and Junmyeon leans into him. Not far from here turns out to be just two blocks away, and Jongin feels a little disappointed that they didn't have more time to spend together, but he's grateful for how his day has turned out. They stop in front of Junmeyon's building, and Junmyeon drops his hand.

"It was really good to see you, Jongin." He says, reaching out to pinch Jongin's nose.

Jongin laughs, grabbing Junmyeon's hand and kissing his knuckles. He takes a step forward, wrapping his arms around the smaller man. He feels him tense within his hold, thinking for a moment that maybe he misread the atmosphere, but then Junmyeon is relaxing into him, arms wrapping around his waist. It only lasts for a moment before Junmyeon takes a step back, but he leaves his hands on Jongin's waist. They stare silently at each other for a few awkward seconds and Jongin takes a deep breath to slow his rapidly beating heart. Junmyeon smiles at him, then and Jongin resists the urge to lean down and kiss him. He can't take that rejection again.

"Well," Jongin says, thinking it best to leave now before he does or says something that will push Junmyeon away. He takes a step backward but Junmyeon stops him from going any further with hands fisted in the fabric of his sweater.

"Jongin." His voice is soft and there's a look Jongin can't decipher on his face.

"Yeah?"

Junmyeon responds by tugging him forward by his grip on Jongin's sweater and covering Jongin's mouth with his own. It's nothing more than a chaste press of lips, lasting only a few seconds but Jongin's stomach swoops and his heart pounds, his hands flying up to frame Junmyeon's soft face. They pull apart slowly but Jongin doesn't go very far, resting his forehead against Junmyeon's.

"Hi." Jongin says after a few seconds, making Junmyeon chuckle, his breath warm as it fans across Jongin's face. "Can I-?"

"Please." Junmyeon breathes and then Jongin is leaning in to kiss him again. Now that he's more prepared, he takes a moment to enjoy the feeling of Junmyeon's soft lips sliding against his own. He's imagined this moment so many times over the last year and he's not disappointed. He drags his thumb over Junmyeon's cheekbone and Junmyeon's arms snake around Jongin's waist, pulling him close. It's Junmyeon who makes the first move to deepen the kiss, running his tongue along the seam of Jongin's mouth as his hands slide up Jongin's back and over his shoulders. Jongin sighs into Junmyeon's open mouth, his tongue pressing forward to brush against Junmyeon's upper lip. His heart is racing and his fingers shake as he slides his hand around to rest on the back of Junmyeon's neck, thumbing at the soft hairs at his nape. They've fucked so many times, but this is new territory. This is far more intimate than anything they've ever done and Jongin feels dizzy with it. The whimper Junmyeon lets out when Jongin licks into his mouth has Jongin pushing him backwards until his back hits the door. The impact startles a gasp from Junmyeon but he is undetered, kissing Jongin harder and digging his fingers into Jongin's shoulders. Junmyeon tastes sweet, like cherry Chapstick and caramel coffee and Jongin wants to savor it. He tilts his head slightly licking further into Junmyeon's mouth and they both sigh as their tongues slide together.

"Shit" Jongin whispers when Junmyeon pulls away from his mouth to press kisses along his jaw. He can feel a flush beginning to creep into his cheeks and a heat in his groin and his head falls forward to rest on Junmyeon's shoulder. He groans when Junmyeon runs his tongue along the shell of his ear and he uses his hips to pin Junmyeon to the wall.

"Jongin." Junmyeon sounds winded and Jongin feels a sense of pride at being able to work him up with just his kisses. He uses the hand still pressed to Junmyeon's cheek to guide Junmyeon's mouth to his own again and he doesn't think he'll ever get tired of kissing him. It's as though time has stopped and the only thing that matters is the way Junmyeon's bottom lip feels trapped between his own, the sounds he makes as Jongin sucks on it lightly before sinking his teeth into it.

It's the sound of someone clearing their throat that reminds Jongin that they're standing in front of Junmyeon's apartment building and he pulls away with a start. "Sorry! I'm- We're just-" The man holds up a hand as if to say ‘ _I don't really want to know just let me get by._ ’ Jongin steps off to the side, pulling Junmyeon with him and letting the man pass. Once he's disappeared through the door, Jongin buries his face in the crook of Junmyeon's neck. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry your neighbor just- shit."

"It's okay Jongin." Junmyeon's laugh is loud in Jongin's ear and he lifts his head to look at Junmyeon's face. His cheeks are pink and his lips are red and swollen and Jongin can't help but to lean in to kiss him again. Junmyeon pulls back though, pressing a finger to Jongin's lips. "Let's take this inside, yeah?"

Jongin can't help the grin that spreads across his face at the implications of Junmyeon's request and he presses a kiss to the tip of Junmyeon's finger. "Yeah. Yes. Okay," he agrees, unable to keep the enthusiasm out of his voice. Junmyeon laughs again, using his hips to nudge Jongin backwards, giving him enough space to turn and punch in the code.

It takes all of Jongin's restraint to keep from pressing Junmyeon into every flat surface on their way to Junmyeon's apartment, but once they're inside Jongin loses some of his confidence. He realizes, as he watches Junmyeon step out of his shoes, that Junmyeon has finally let Jongin in. He knows how much Junmyeon's privacy means to him and he hopes he's not wrong about the implications of Junmyeon inviting him into his home; that Junmyeon opening himself up to Jongin means as much to Junmyeon as it does to him.

Jongin's legs are unsteady as he removes his own shoes and he rubs his hands on his thighs as he straightens, suddenly feeling uncomfortable and out of place. But then Junmyeon is reaching out toward him, beckoning him further into his apartment and Jongin takes his offered hand.

"Come here." Junmyeon says, tugging Jongin forward until they're standing toe to toe. He wraps his arms around Jongin's waist, nuzzling against his neck and Jongin feels some of his tension melt away. "I missed you so much," he whispers, his lips brushing just above Jongin's collarbone. Jongin wants to laugh and cry at the same time, but instead he takes a deep breath and returns Junmyeon's embrace, pressing a kiss to the top of Junmyeon's beanie-clad head.

He doesn't know how long they stand there hugging, Junmyeon's fingers bunched in Jongin's shirt, his breath warm on Jongin's skin, but he thinks he could stay like this forever. He drags his hands over Junmyeon's back in long strokes and Junmyeon melts into him. Jongin shudders when Junmyeon presses a kiss to his neck, then to his jaw, then one behind his ear. He lifts his head to look at Jongin, and this time it's Junmyeon who says "Hi," his smile so wide his eyes nearly disappear.

"Hey." Jongin replies, his hands coming up to press against Junmyeon's warm cheeks. Junmyeon's gaze falls to Jongin's mouth as the younger boy's tongue darts out to wet his bottom lip and he exhales shakily.

"Kiss me?" Junmyeon asks, and who is Jongin to deny the older what he wants? He leans forward to brush their mouths together, his bottom lip catching on Junmyeon's upper before pulling back, but Junmyeon chases him, capturing Jongin's full lip between his teeth and tugging gently. Something snaps inside Jongin and he presses forward, kissing Junmyeon without reservation. His tongue swipes across Junmyeon's mouth and Junmyeon immediately opens up for him, letting out a needy whine when their tongues curl together.

Jongin's been waiting so long for this and he pours everything he has into this kiss. All the longing he's felt, all of his desire for Junmyeon, is conveyed through every swipe of his tongue, in the way he slides his hands underneath Junmyeon's hat, pushing it off his head to thread his fingers in Junmyeon's silky strands. The taste and feel of Junmyeon's mouth on his is intoxicating and Jongin thinks he might float away if not for Junmyeon's tight grip on his shirt keeping him grounded. Junmyeon's tongue catches on the inside of Jongin's upper lip and the younger's fingers tighten in Junmyeon's hair, pulling a gasp from him.

Jongin is so lost in kissing Junmyeon, in the softness of his mouth and the taste of his tongue, that he's startled by cold fingers sliding under the hem of his sweater to press into his skin. "Sorry. My hands are cold." Junmyeon smiles against Jongin's mouth and then he's trailing kisses across his jaw and down the side of his neck. He sucks lightly at Jongin's skin and his hands venture further under Jongin's shirt, nails scraping over his ribs.

"Jongin," Junmyeon whispers against his skin, his voice low and breathy. He pulls back just enough to look Jongin in the eye. "I _need_ you." Jongin feels all the breath leave him at once and rushes forward to kiss Junmyeon desperately. Junmyeon stumbles a bit, knocked off balance by the force of Jongin's kiss, but Jongin steadies him with hands on his hips.

"Bed." Jongin whispers against his lips as he slides his hands down over Junmyeon's ass and squeezes. Junmyeon's hips buck forward and Jongin can feel him hard against his thigh. Junmyeon takes a step backwards, tugging Jongin after him and Jongin follows him eagerly. Junmyeon leads him toward the bedroom, keeping his mouth on Jongin's the whole way.

They trip over a pile of clothes just inside the door and Junmyeon nearly falls, but Jongin catches him, laughing and sliding his hands under Junmyeon's shirt. "I really should have- I should clean some of this up." says Junmyeon. "My bed isn't even made and there's shit all over the floor I'm sorry-" Jongin stops his words with a kiss, running his fingers over Junmyeon's ribs.

"Shut up." He says between kisses. "I don't care."  He pushes Junmyeon backwards until the older man's legs hit the side of the bed and he sits down, Jongin peering down at him through his messy fringe. "I just want you." Jongin says, pushing on Junmyeon's shoulders until the older man is lying on his back and Jongin crawls over him. Junmyeon scoots further up the bed, making more room for Jongin and Jongin straddles him, leaning in to kiss him again.

Junmyeon pulls at Jongin's sweater and Jongin breaks the kiss just long enough to allow Junmyeon to pull his shirt over his head. He's still not sure he'll ever get used to kissing Junmyeon and Jongin sighs into the older man's mouth when Junmyeon scratches his nails lightly down his back.

"On your back" Junmyeon says after a few minutes of passionate kissing and Jongin does as he's told, moving toward the middle of the bed. Junmyeon kneels between Jongin's legs once he's settled and the older man runs his hands over Jongin's thighs, bending forward to suck a mark into his collarbone.

Jongin pulls at the hem of Junmyeon's shirt, wanting to feel Junmyeon's soft skin against his own. "Take this off." He breathes and Junmyeon straightens to pull it over his head. There's a slight flush to Junmyeon's chest and Jongin reaches up to run his fingers over it, dragging them downward over the defined lines of his abdomen and to the button of his jeans. He pops the button open, tugging the zipper down and he slides his hand down the front of Junmyeon's pants, palming him through his boxers. Junmyeon lets out a soft moan and falls forward, holding himself up with his hands on either side of Jongin's head. He grinds against Jongin's hand and Jongin groans at how hard he is.

"Let's get these off." Jongin says, pushing Junmyeon's pants and boxers down his thighs and Junmyeon takes over, lying on his back beside Jongin to push them the rest of the way down and kick them off the side of the bed. He helps Jongin remove the rest of his clothing and settles between his legs again. He slides his hands up the inside of Jongin's thighs, pushing them further apart as he sucks on Jongin's neck.

Jongin's cock is full and thick where it rests against his belly and he gasps as Junmyeon wraps his hand around it, stroking him gently. He bucks into Junmyeon's grasp, trying to get more friction, but Junmyeon's touches are light and teasing. "Please" Jongin whines, and Junmyeon smirks at him before leaving a trail of kisses down his chest. Jongin threads his fingers through Junmyeon's hair, pulling slightly when Junmyeon leaves a wet kiss just below his belly button. "Please." Jongin repeats and Junmyeon reaches out to the table next to the bed, rooting through the top drawer and pulling out a small bottle of lube and a condom. He places the condom on the nightstand and gives Jongin a sweet lingering kiss, before uncapping the bottle and squeezing some onto his fingers.

Jongin spreads his legs wider instinctually, his breathing labored and his body humming with arousal. He watches, as Junmyeon coats his fingers, rubbing them together to warm the gel and a shiver of anticipation rolls up his spine.

The first press of a finger inside of him has Jongin tensing, and Junmyeon stills, rubbing comforting circles into Jongin's hip with his thumb. "Are you okay?" Junmyeon asks. Jongin bites his lip and nods, fighting against the urge to clench around Junmyeon's finger. The older man waits for him to adjust, distracting him from the discomfort by kissing his chest. Jongin moans when Junmyeon's mouth covers his nipple, his tongue circling it. He sucks lightly and Jongin arches against the wet heat of his mouth, grinding down on Junmyeon's finger and taking it the rest of the way in. Junmyeon flexes his finger inside of Jongin, wiggling and twisting it as he pumps slowly in and out and Jongin groans, craving more.

"Another." Jongin breathes, his fingers sliding into Junmyeon's hair. Junmyeon looks up at him from where he's mouthing at Jongin's chest and he looks just as much a wreck as Jongin feels. Jongin tightens his grip in Junmyeon's hair, pulling him up to kiss him hungrily, his tongue immediately diving between Junmyeon's lips. Junmyeon returns the kiss enthusiastically, pulling his finger out and circling the rim before pushing back in with two fingers. Jongin bites into Junmyeon's lip, rocking his hips as Junmyeon pumps and scissors his fingers. The pain of being stretched is muted by the pleasure of the tips of Junmyeon's fingers brushing against his prostate, the feeling of Junmyeon sucking on his tongue, the way Junmyeon is grinding against his thigh.

It's not long before Junmyeon has three fingers inside of Jongin, twisting and pumping them and stretching Jongin open. Jongin is letting out these little moans, grinding himself down onto Junmyeon's hand and it's not enough. Junmyeon kisses along his jawline, stopping to suck Jongin's earlobe into his mouth, rolling the flesh between his teeth. "Are you ready, Jongin?" He whispers, his warm breath sending a shiver down Jongin's spine.

Jongin nods, rasping out a "Yes, _please."_ as Junmyeon slides his fingers out of Jongin, leaving him feeling so, so empty. Junmyeon reaches out for the condom on the bedside table but Jongin stops him, his fingers wrapping loosely around the older mans wrist. "Don't." He says, wincing at the hoarseness of his own voice.

"Jongin-"

"Don't."  Jongin repeats, kissing the inside of Junmyeon's wrist, letting his lips linger against Junmyeon's skin.

"Jongin."

"You're clean, right?" Jongin asks, trailing soft kisses up Junmyeon's forearm and enjoying the way Junmyeon's eyes flutter closed.

"Yes, but-"

"So am I." Jongin says against the inside of Junmyeon's elbow. "Please."

"Are you sure?" Junmyeon asks, dragging his fingertips over Jongin's cheek.

"Yes," is Jongin's breathless reply. "I want to feel you."

" _Fuck_. Okay." Junmyeon's head falls forward to rest on Jongin's collarbone and Jongin drags his hands down Junmyeon's sides, lifting his hips enough that their erections brush together. Jongin groans and reaches out beside him, feeling around for the bottle of discarded lube and finding it in the mess of blankets by his hip. He squeezes a generous amount into his palm and Junmyeon lifts his hips, allowing Jongin to reach between them to close his hand around Junmyeon's cock. Junmyeon hisses when Jongin drags his palm up the length and over the head to coat him.

"You're sure about this Jongin?" Junmyeon says as he lines himself up with Jongin's entrance and Jongin nods, wrapping his legs around Junmyeon's waist.

"Please." He whines, digging his heels into Junmyeon's ass to urge him forward. "I just want you inside of me."

Junmyeon pushes forward, easing the head of his swollen cock into Jongin and they both gasp at the feeling. "Oh my god. Jongin."

Jongin's mouth falls open, his breath catching in his throat and he runs his hands up Junmyeon's sides. There's a slight burn from being stretched open but he wills himself to relax as Junmyeon presses into him slowly. Junmyeon shifts so he's propped up on his elbow beside Jongin's head and he brushes Jongin's hair off his forehead, dropping distracting kisses on his cheeks and jaw as he eases the rest of the way in. Junmyeon stills once he's fully seated, waiting for Jongin to adjust. He's breathing heavily and he kisses Jongin's neck, tongue darting out to lave at his skin. Junmyeon fills Jongin up so nicely, so completely, and the younger man takes a deep, shaking breath, turning his head to nuzzle Junmyeon's cheek. Junmyeon rises up on his elbows to look down at him, the change in position shifting him inside of Jongin and Jongin hisses through his teeth.

"Are you okay?" Junmyeon asks, voice laced with worry. He threads his fingers through Jongin's hair, his thumb rubbing at Jongin's hairline and Jongin can feel his heart swelling at the way Junmyeon looks at him with such adoration. Jongin is still adjusting to the feeling of Junmyeon inside him, but he's impatient, so he lifts his hips, urging Junmyeon to move. Junmyeon presses his forehead to Jongin's as he pulls out slowly and they moan together. "Jongin," Junmyeon gasps and then he's kissing him again, his tongue tracing along the seam of Jongin's mouth as he eases back into him. Jongin whimpers against Junmyeon's lips. Sex with Junmyeon has always been amazing, but without that barrier of latex between them Jongin can feel every ridge and vein in Junmyeon's cock as it drags along his walls and _shit._

Junmyeon pulls out again, just the head of his cock holding Jongin open, before sliding back in to the hilt, his pace languid. "Jongin," Junmyeon sighs into his open mouth "fuck, you feel so good." Jongin slides his hands up Junmyeon's back and into his hair, tilting his head to deepen their kiss and moaning as Junmyeon continues to roll his hips.

They've been in this position so many times before, but it feels so new and different this time, with Junmyeon kissing him with so much fervor, making him feel wanted, _loved._ Jongin reluctantly pulls away from Junmyeon's kisses to take in some much needed air and he moans, long and low as Junmyeon thrusts into him deeply, hitting his prostate dead-on. "Right there," he rasps, looking up at Junmyeon's face. The look in his eyes has Jongin's skin heating up. He's looking at Jongin so intensely, almost like he's looking through him and Jongin feels a pleasant pressure pushing on his heart. Junmyeon pulls out again, thrusting in with more force and Jongin bites his knuckles to keep from crying out.

"I want to hear you," Junmyeon says as he takes both of Jongin's hands into his own, threading their fingers together above Jongin's head. He's fucking Jongin open with slow rolls of his hips, his belly rubbing Jongin's cock where it's trapped between them and Jongin cranes his neck upward to capture Junmyeon's mouth in a needy kiss. He whines into the older man's mouth, loving the way Junmyeon's cock fills him up so well. He's not used to the slow pace, but he wouldn't trade it for anything, wanting to hold onto this moment for as long as he can. He begins to lift his hips in time with Junmyeon's lazy thrusts, and he clenches around Junmyeon's cock when it presses against his prostate, breaking their kiss to moan Junmyeon's name.

Junmyeon's thumbs rub against Jongin's knuckles and the gesture is so tender that Jongin feels this _warmth_ bubbling up in his chest. Jongin's wanted this for so long and now that it's finally happening he's finding it hard to control his emotions. His heart is pounding and with every drag of Junmyeon's cock inside of him, every slide of their tongues together, Jongin feels himself closer to losing it completely. Junmyeon's thrusting deeper now, kissing him harder and every brush of Junmyeon's cock against his prostate pushes Jongin closer to the edge. "Touch me," Jongin begs, the sound muffled by Junmyeon's kiss-swollen lips.

"No." Junmyeon pulls back, dragging his hand down Jongin's arm that's stretched above his head and resting his palm against Jongin's cheek. "I want you to come like this, Jongin." He sweeps his thumb across Jongin's cheekbone, his mouth falling open in a silent moan as Jongin clenches around him. "Do you think you can do that for me?" Jongin nods weakly, leaning into Junmyeon's hand, warm against his cheek.

"Fuck." Jongin gasps as Junmyeon eases himself nearly all the way out before snapping his hips forward, scooting Jongin up the bed.

"You feel so good, Jongin." He does it again, and Jongin thinks he sees stars. "Too good." Junmyeon slides his fingers into Jongin's hair, gripping tightly as he picks up his pace and Jongin knows it won't be long before he comes. He wraps his legs tighter around Junmyeon's waist, grinding his hips in sync with Junmyeon's. Junmyeon is peppering Jongin's face with kisses, whispering encouragements as he brings Jongin closer and closer to the edge, and it's too much at once. There's a pleasant ache in Jongin's chest and a fiery heat building in his gut and he moans, uninhibited, because _fuck_ it all feels so good. "That's it, baby." Junmyeon whispers, his hair hanging in sweaty clumps over his forehead and his lips slick and swollen and Jongin thinks it's the most beautiful thing he's ever seen. He reaches up and cups the back of Junmyeon's neck pulling him closer and pressing their foreheads together. "Come for me," Junmyeon says, his breath hot against Jongin's mouth. It's such a slow build-up, the pressure between his legs building and building before he finally snaps, his back arching and his thighs squeezing around Junmyeon's waist as he shoots thick ropes over their stomachs and chests, his vision going white. Junmyeon keeps fucking into him, grunting and moaning as Jongin squeezes around him and Jongin cries out, trembling as he comes.

As soon as he's able to breathe, Jongin feels the warmth in his chest swelling and growing and _god_ he is so in love with this man. He takes a slow shuddering breath and his vision blurs with tears. He tries to blink them back, but Junmyeon notices, slowing his thrusts and looking at Jongin, concern etched into the furrow of his brow. "Are you, ok, Jongin?" Jongin nods and smiles, pressing his hands to Junmyeon's cheeks. Junmyeon leans down, kissing the corners of Jongin's eyes where the tears threaten to spill and Jongin feels his heart flutter. "Do you want me to stop?"

"No." Jongin says, his voice wavering. "I'm just really happy." He slides his hands down Junmyeon's back and to his ass, pressing down as he grinds against Junmyeon's hips. "Keep going."

Junmyeon's head falls forward and he buries his face in Jongin's shoulder, fucking into him and moaning against his sweaty skin. Jongin can tell he's close by the way his hips falter and the way he moans with every thrust. "Yes, baby," Jongin moans in Junmyeon's ear and Junmyeon slams into him and stills, spilling inside of him with a moan of his name. Jongin clenches around him, loving the feeling of Junmyeon's release inside of him and Junmyeon whimpers, his hips twitching, before he collapses on top of Jongin.

Jongin drags his hands over Junmyeon's back in large, swirly patterns and Junmyeon presses a kiss to Jongin's neck.  Jongin's not sure how long they lay like that, his legs still wrapped around Junmyeon's waist, keeping him inside of him, but he doesn't want to move. He just wants to lie like this forever, Junmyeon peppering his collarbone with kisses, and Jongin wrapped around him, keeping him where he wants him, where he's wanted him all along. Junmyeon's hand comes up to rest on Jongin's cheek and Jongin turns to face him, feeling like his heart is too big for his chest when he sees the way Junmyeon is smiling at him so warmly and so blissed out. "Jongin." He whispers, his voice raspy. He presses a lingering kiss to Jongin's mouth before drawing back to look at him. "I love you."

Jongin lets out a choked sort of sob, relief washing over him. He wraps his arms tightly around Junmyeon, grinning so wide his cheeks hurt. "Say it again?"

Junmyeon laughs, giving Jongin a grin to match his own. "I love you, Jongin." He kisses Jongin softly, sweetly, brushing his sweaty hair back and stroking his face and Jongin sighs, feeling happier than he can ever remember feeling.

“I love you too.” Jongin tightens his legs around Junmyeon’s waist, despite the ache from keeping them in one position for so long and Junmyeon shifts inside of him, causing them both to gasp. Junmyeon kisses him again and again and Jongin returns them happily. It’s not long before their kisses grow heated and Jongin can feel Junmyeon hardening inside him again, and _god_ that’s kind of hot. He clenches around him experimentally and Junmyeon moans against his mouth, grinding his hips against Jongin’s ass. “Already?” Jongin laughs. It’s gonna be a long night.

****

\- March 28, 2016 -

  
Jongin wakes up to the smell of coffee and a sore ass. He reaches out beside him, wanting to curl against Junmyeon's warm body, but he finds the bed empty. He blinks his eyes open, smiling when he sees Junmyeon standing in front of his closet. He's wearing nothing but Jongin's sweater and it's too big on him, hanging down to mid-thigh and sliding off one shoulder. He bends to pick something up off the floor and the sweater rides up, giving Jongin a gorgeous view of his bare ass. Jongin peels the blankets off of himself, and climbs out of bed, wincing at the pain in his ass and lower back. It was so worth it, though. He crosses the room and presses himself to Junmyeon's back, wrapping his arms around his small waist. Junmyeon jumps, startled by Jongin's presence but then relaxes against his chest. "Morning." Jongin says, kissing Junmyeon's neck.

"I wanted to clean up before you woke up." Junmyeon pouts, sliding his hands over Jongin's where they rest against Junmyeon's stomach.

"I didn't care last night. I don't care now."

"To be fair," Junmyeon says, turning his head to peck Jongin's lips, "you were a bit distracted last night."

"True," Jongin concedes. The truth is, Junmyeon's apartment is a fucking disaster, but Jongin just can't bring himself to care when he's got the man he loves right here in front of him.

Junmyeon turns in his hold, sliding his hands down over Jongin's ass and squeezing. "How do you take your coffee?"

Jongin wrinkles his nose. "I don't really like coffee."

"Oh." Junmyeon frowns, pushing his bottom lip out and Jongin pinches his nose, making him laugh.

"You're cute." Jongin presses his hands to Junmyeon's cheeks and kisses him sweetly. "If you put a ton of sugar and milk in it I'll drink it."

"Ok." Junmyeon says, giving Jongin another kiss before extracting himself from Jongin's hold. "I'll go fix your coffee and make us some eggs. If you want to use the bathroom it's down the hall to the right." Jongin smacks his ass as he walks away.

He finds his underwear on the floor by the bed and he pulls them on before heading out toward the bathroom. He finds it easily enough, considering it's the only other door in the hallway. He takes his time freshening up, using some mouthwash he finds in the medicine cabinet and relieving his bladder.

When he pads back out toward the kitchen, Junmyeon is setting two plates of scrambled eggs on the coffee table in the living room. "Go ahead and sit down," he says, walking back into the kitchen.

Jongin takes a seat on the sofa taking a moment to look around. He never really took the time to look at his surroundings last night, having been so distracted, as Junmyeon put it. There's books everywhere. On the shelves and the floor; a stack next to the TV.  In the corner of the room is a model building, nearly a meter tall. "Did you make that?' Jongin asks when Junmyeon returns with mugs of steaming coffee.

"Yeah." Junmyeon flops down onto the couch next to him, crossing his legs under him. "That was my last project before I had to drop out." He hands Jongin his coffee, that looks like mostly milk and sugar, and Jongin smiles in thanks.

"Sorry." Jongin says, testing his coffee. It's actually not so bad. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

"Actually," Junmyeon says, grabbing his plate and taking a forkful of eggs. "I kind of wanted to talk to you about that."

"Yeah?"

"Well not that exactly but, yeah. I told you yesterday that I had to figure things out, right?"

Jongin nods, getting to work on his own breakfast.

"I'm really sorry about how I handled things." Jongin tries to tell him it's okay but Junmyeon holds up a finger. "Just let me say this."

"Sorry, go ahead." He sets his plate back on the table, turning to face Junmyeon.

"I think you know, or at least I hope you do, that I've always cared about you. I really tried to keep things strictly business with you but you made it so damn hard." He lets out a wry chuckle, taking Jongin's hand in his own. "I really wanted to be with you, Jongin, I think I started feeling that way about six months into it. You're just so easy to be with, and you made me feel so good about myself. You made me forget things and I just-" He pauses, taking a deep breath, letting it all out at once. "It's hard to feel like that sometimes when you- you know." Jongin doesn't think Junmyeon really wants a response to that, so he just leans down to kiss the backs of his fingers and waits for him to continue. "I didn't want to give you up. I thought I could just keep seeing you and things could just stay they way they were, but I fell too hard for you." Jongin squeezes his hands and smiles. He thinks he knows what that's like. "You remember the night of your birthday?" Jongin nods. How could he ever forget that? "I was only about six months away from being able to pay my way through school again. I was so close to the end. I got scared, Jongin." He scoots toward Jongin, climbing into his lap.

"About what?" Jongin asks, reaching up to stroke his cheek.

"Don't take this the wrong way," he says curling his hand around Jongin's nape. "I thought you'd make me quit."

"I wouldn't-"

"Not like that," Junmyeon clarifies. "Not like you'd ask me to. I can't imagine you liked the thought of me having sex with so many different men." Jongin shakes his head. He's right about that. "I wouldn't have been able to do it knowing it hurt you, so I just walked away. I'm sorry."

"I understand." he says, pressing a soft kiss to Junmyeon's lips.

"I thought about what I told you. To go after what truly makes you happy. I thought for me that was going back to school, but I realized it's you." He gives Jongin a watery smile, tears collecting in the corners of his eyes and Jongin feels tears of his own pricking at the backs of his eyes. "I'll figure something out with school. It'll always be there. But I couldn't put this off." He leans forward, resting his forehead against Jongin's. "I couldn't lose you forever."

Jongin swallows thickly, brushing Junmyeon's tears away with his knuckle. "I'm here." He breathes, and Junmyeon smiles, sniffling. "I'm not going anywhere."

"I missed you so much." Junmyeon whispers, and then he's kissing Jongin. His hands sliding into Jongin's hair and his legs settling around Jongin's waist.

True to his word, Jongin doesn’t go anywhere, not today - which they spend completely and entirely wrapped up in each other to make up for lost time - and he really has no intention of ever going anywhere.

\--------epilogue--------

**March 27, 2017**   


  
Jongin moans as he drags his hand up his cock, squeezing the head. If Junmyeon's train is on time, he's got about 5 minutes before his boyfriend gets home from class. He thinks he may have started a little too early, because he's so close to the edge, but he can't come yet, he's got to be hard for Junmyeon when he walks through the door. He wraps his fingers around the base of his cock, squeezing tight until the urge to come passes. He reaches out beside him and grabs the red satin ribbon, tying it around the base of his erection, doing his best to make an attractive bow.

They'd agreed on no anniversary presents, with money being so tight, but Jongin, being the clever man he is, had thought of the perfect gift. He even bought a set of black silk sheets for the occasion. He still likes to tease Junmyeon about that night, and Junmyeon still flushes deep red. It's cute.

He hears the door open and the familiar thud of Junmyeon's bag hitting the floor. Shit, he's early. Jongin scrambles up the bed, fluffing the pillows and propping himself against them, spreading his legs in what he can only hope is a seductive manner and he gives his dick a few more tugs for good measure.

"Jongin?" Junmyeon calls from the living room.

"In here." He suddenly feels nervous and he can feel a flush creeping into his cheeks. Now he knows how Junmyeon must have felt that night.

The door opens and Jongin forces a wide grin. "Happy anniversary!" He shouts, when his boyfriend steps into the room. Junmyeon stands there for a moment, merely blinking at Jongin, and then he's laughing, his hand coming up to cover his mouth.

"Oh my god, what are you doing?" He throws his head back, laughing heartily.

"Come unwrap your present, baby."

"I can not believe you." Junmyeon says, crossing the room and climbing onto the bed.

"I love you." Jongin cups the back of Junmyeon's head and pulls him in for a kiss.

"I love you, too you big dork." Junmyeon crawls over him, straddling his hips and tugging at the ribbon. "Happy anniversary."


End file.
